The Time I Needed To Be Honest

To say I haven’t posted for a day and a half would be an understatement. Please sense my solemn tone as I type. This is not a funny post. I will not be funny. Not only have I been having weird dreams but my head / brain is like an awake replay of all the shit I’ve attempted to love and lost. The bad ones. The good ones. The ones I still want. As much closure as you need, I need some too. My night dreams have been odd and a bit non committal. My day dreams have me worried. Why are you crossing my mind in the day? Are you not scared that someone will see you? That your name might come blurted from my lips? Why, in my night dreams, you come in pairs and with lust? In my day dreams, you’re just here. Not serving a purpose but to distract me and to get me thinking. I am doing everything to start anew but you just won’t leave me alone. You won’t let me be. I’ve even considered seeing someone. This must be the beginning part of losing one’s mind, right? I haven’t spoken to any of my friends because then that would mean seeing them again and as an self diagnosed introvert, I’d much rather deal, all on my own. I don’t want you here though. Please know that. I am making a change and a part of that change needs to be a clear, clean mind. I need you to go. Away. Out of my mind space. Out of my head space. I just want to be ok & with you here, I’ll never be.

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