The Motherhood Diaries

Single motherhood is not easy. I am not saying that dual parenting is but atleast you have help.
No matter how sick I am. No matter how tired I am. I have to be there. I have to be alert and available. I have no back up parent. Yes, I have my parents but I am first and foremost in the firing line. I’m sick, she wants to be by me. She’s sick,she wants to be by me. I know that I’ve created my own bed and now I need to lie in it and I don’t mind because I know that in a few short years she’ll want nothing to with me and then I’ll want it back,I’ll miss her. So I’ve decided that the best thing to do is just to concentrate on me,concentrate on her. Love her with my all and let her irritate the hell outta me. I’m going to put off dating. I am finally ok with my decision because it’s not just a decision for me,it’s a decision for us.
I am not saying that I will never date. All I’m saying is that I will stop looking. I will not go on anymore dates. Not until I am ready,because in all honesty I am not……ready,that is.
If I was ready I would put in a bit more effort and I would be a bit more excited or atleast enthused.
I cannot be with someone when I don’t even want to be with myself – in reference to how I look naked.
I am just going to be her mother. I am going to be my person.
Studying. Working. Blogging. I am just going to do what needs to be done. I will be happy. I am happy.
I will love her with all of my heart, with all of my tired heart. I will live this life for the both of us and I will be successful. I will not allow her to feel any less loved because she comes from a single parent household. She will always know her true value. She will always know her true worth.
I am going to be everything and more that I can be for this little girl and she will be my all.

I am a single mother. By choice. My choice

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