So…..I spoke to my parents

So, I spoke to my parents the other day and I cried
Not snot and trane ; but there were tears and there were feelings
Besides the fact that I have this outer wall that I never let down because I, in fact, don’t want people to know /see/hurt the real me
I don’t want people to see my past
Yes, I know……….sad
Thing is, with my blog. It’s fine. It’s ok
The wall? Your screen or however you’re viewing this post
You don’t get to see me
I could sit here, and type out my pain, my shame
I could type it out and cry it out but you would just sympathise with me
You might even shed a tear but you will NOT actually get to experience the me that I really am
The small bits and pieces that I allow to seep through the cracks are in no way who I really am or what I have to offer
Yes, the blog is raw and honest and sometimes, just downright fuckin vile but you don’t see it
It still gets photoshopped
It still gets tweaked
Posts still get pushed out
Meeting the demand
So, I spoke to my parents
More like they spoke
My mother spoke, and my father just nodded in agreement
I needed it
Not to cry but to cry
I just needed to cry for my frustration and unknown pain
My blog will not win any awards
My blog will always be vile and disgusting
My blog will always be me
And I am far from perfect
I am far from alright
But I am ok
I am alive
and I am thankful

I might not be ok now, but I will be ok soon
Next week
Next year
I will be ok
I will be ok
I will be ok……………

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