The child has anxiety

Today was grandparents day at school and I noticed one thing in the pictures and videos that were shared.

I noticed one thing as went to swimming lesson this evening.

My child. Unfortunately. Has been cursed with my anxiety and lack of confidence. I am almost 30 years old and only now am I almost 100% confident. I do not want that for her. To have to wait 20 odd years to feel or be confident. She’ll be 6 years old next week, she should already be confident. Flying across the monkey bars and diving head first into the deep end. She should not feel anything than less than confident and capable.

My social anxiety and awkwardness stems from me always being a homebody, always finding comfort in a warm bed and good read.

She, on the other hand is a social butterfly, in the right situation, with a crowd of people she knows.

She should not have to suffer at the hands of my life long disease.

Is it because I push her to say hello to people when entering a room?

Is it because I treat her like a semi tween?

Is it because I have started giving her responsibilities?

What is it that I am doing that is giving my child the anxiety that causes her to bite her skin from her fingertips? What can I do to help? How do I help?

How can I became a less anxiety me and a more there for her mother?

Do I helicopter too much?

Should I just have another child so that she can feel less pressurized?

What is it that is causing my child, my 6 year old child, to physically harm herself.

What is it that I have done wrong?

Losing a life

And just like that, we are dealt a blow, an impending death in the family

Yes,it happens to all of us but yet, we never expect it to happen to us

Last night, we were told to visit my grandfather (on my mother’s side) and say our goodbyes as it was only a matter time

We knew it was coming, well atleast I did and in true Athena fashion I tried to play it off, make a light hearted joke of it when in reality it is crushing.

Seeing someone you’ve known your whole life, who you’ve grown up loving and respecting, just lay there. Unable to breathe. Unable to talk. Barely able to keep his eyes open.

What I will treasure, amongst the solemn faces and teary eyes, are the times I spent with him. Taking him and my grandmother for breakfast, taking him to collect his pension money, watching as how, through his pains, he still managed to be a great grandfather to Zineah. I will cherish that. Him. Memories.

I will never forget the kindness he showed and how he was able to take any of my sarcastic comments and turn them right around on me. Whatever he was going through, he remained faithful to Christ and he remained thankful.

Ha! He always hated when I made him sit infront by me, when I constantly asked, “you need help?”, as he walked. He wasn’t a prideful man but he didn’t want to be treated like a sickly one, even though, often times he was.

Zineah was with for the goodbye, she wanted to pray for him but there were too many eyes. We will go back every night before he passes. It pains me to see him like that though. Let someone on their death bed never be your lasting memory of them.

Zineah cried in the car. I think it was too much for her. A few hours before the goodbye, I got to speak to my grandfather on the phone and that was the worst sound I could’ve ever imagined. As my parents left the house to go visit my grandfather, I sat Zineah down and tried my best to have the death talk with my almost 6 year old. Less than 15 minutes after the goodbye, she cried. Quietly. As if ashamed. I told her, that we are all sad. We all cry and it is ok. I will take her with me every night until his passing and I will continue to ask her to pray for him (her idea initially) so that that may provide her with some comfort.

We love you Pa ❤️

You have made an impact in this life and you will forever live on in our hearts 💔

I am happy being single

I am happy being single
I feel like I don’t need to justify that but here I am, typing, trying to convince you that at almost 30 ; I am happy

Do I wish I had a bit of help with my daughter? Hell yeah
To I treasture that for the next year or so, before she wants nothing to do with me, I get to have her all to myself? Of freaking course

I have always been an introvert. I once had a friend drag me out of bed at 3am to go to a party; a week before I was meant to leave for London

I don’t like going out and doing things,I would much rather sit in bed and read a book
Sit in a park
Sit in a cafe
Watch a movie

I like being single
It suits me
Who I am
My personality

I only go out and do things because an almost 6 year old should not be subjected to my introverted-ness

I have a friend who is pushing (hahaha sarcasm, not really) for me to get married by 30, because that’s the dream right?

Get married, pop out a few more babies before 35 and grow old gracefully

I have been single since Novmber 2013, that’s almost a full 6 years

That is a really long time, like longer than anyone ever thought but here I am , single and happy

I get to go where I want, do what I want and I don’t have to report to anyone

I am working on me for me

Marriage does appeal to me
Wedding expo’s do give me a feeling of “when me?” but still this “freedom” of being single is more than enough for me

I love babies
I love weddings
and I will always be your number one supporter but I am not ready to get married, I am not ready for more babies and I am not ready for love lesser than my God

I have my parents, my daughter and my family

There is not much else I need in this life

Well them and a good book!

Fitchef Launches Their Kiddies Range

You’ve heard about Fitchef right? They are this powerhouse company that is all about the #EatClean lifestyle.

I recently had the pleasure of being a part of their newly launched Kids Range. All healthy. All good. All well within price range of what we should be paying to keep our kids healthy & satisfied.

How did the Fitchef Kiddies Range come about?

The Operations Manager of Fitchef, Shaun, recently became a father and with that, as all parents knows, comes the challenges of providing a decent judge-less meal for your little one while still being “that” parent that sits on the floor with them, because you know – we all have endless amounts of time.

The difficulty Shaun faced was finding the time to do everything and still provide his toddler with a healthy balanced meal and that is how Fitchef Kiddies Range came to mind. After stringent testing (I’m hoping lots of eating) and a gruelling “vetting” process; Shaun was more than happy to role out this to the public (the public being me).

How many meals are apart of the Fitchef Kiddies Range?

They have 4 delicious and nutritious meals for your kids. The portions are enough to feed any child from a picky 2 year old to a busy 8 year old. It’s all our old favourites!

1 x Kids Menu – Cautage Pie

1 x Kids Menu – Whole Wheat Penne Bolognese

1 x Kids Menu – Meatballs Mash & Gravy

1 x Kids Menu – Chicken Nuggets & Chips

Before I explain what myself and Zineah tested, just know that I was initially quite sceptical

I tasted all the food #gimbaforlife

I wasn’t quite sure why the food had to be fully defrosted before I could warm it in the microwave for Zineah to eat

All the instructions on the packaging were the same, which I felt was something they could’ve paid a bit more attention to but hey, at the end of the day I figured it out, so no harm no foul


What did we test?

Cautage Pie – I love cauliflower and shepherd’s pie but aside from using Cauliflower as rice, I have always been too scared to branch out but this meal changed my mind! I am not sure what they did but this tasted like someone put magic beans in the food and intoxicated me

Meatballs Mash & Gravy – One word. Deliciously Saucy! Ok, that was two words but can you blame me? I honestly expected the meatballs to be hard and dry and then the mash to be too runny, sort of opposite consistency but man oh man; I was pleasantly surprised when I wanted more only to see Zineah had finished it all

Chicken Nuggets & Chips – Oh man, I was so sceptical about this because frozen chips warmed in the microwave? Hot damn! They were delicious. The nuggets had a slight cheesy taste which I was NOT expecting but it was a welcome change to what we were used to


What did we love?

It was hard to decide but being a homebody, I loved the Cautage Pie and of course, in typical kid fashion because this is, after all, a kiddies range – Zineah loved the Chicken Nuggets and Chips.

Why, I personally love FitChef and their team

I love the Fitchef team because they know how to take of people. They only deliver the best customer service and they definitely have your best interest at heart. They are a bunch of dedicated individuals who want you to live the healthiest and most longterm life ever.

I love their range of products – which all go through stringent quality testing – all on their website and as someone who is moving towards cutting out meat products, I am beyond stoked that they have a vegan range, so accommodating and easy to #EatClean with Fitchef


It’s The Small Things

I am sick, just a bit of flu. I put it down to a lack of sleep, starting my period and then work stress. So when I cry, it seems like sinuses. Which is what I need now, no one to know that I am crying or want to cry or have been crying. I screamed in the car yesterday, my daughter found it hilarious – she joined in. I screamed from frustration, anger and because I needed to. I am shaking, uncontrollably, controllably. I am drowning. Noticing that it’s the small things that make me want to lose my fuckin mind because why the fuck not! I am struggling to breathe, not from the flu but because if I don’t I am scared that I will lose it in a fit of rage. I want to hit something. I keep on snapping. I want to shout. At you. I want to throw something. Break something. Because maybe then I will feel better. But I know I won’t. That is not going to help. I have been putting off going to my GP for the longest time. I do think. Mentality. I need help. Emotionally. I need comfort. Physically. I need to be fucked. Would that not be the easier way to just let every – fuckin – thing go. Just like that. One quick pomp and I will be better. Hopefully it’s that easy. I am sick. I am not ok. I am taking a small almost non existent break from social media. I don’t think you are the problem though. But I am about to break.