I have to come home and pretend……that everything is ok and it’s not. Constantly feels like I’m on edge and the walls are crumbling; more like crashing.
I find solace….a peace in my Lord and Saviour but I have yet to obtain a full understanding and grasp of that.
I try. Everyday. I fail.
I am expected to remain calm and never get angry. Never retaliate. But when do I get to be the lesser person? When do I get to have a break? A chance to let loose. An opportunity to cry and cry until my body heaves from the pain.
There are many worse off than me. There always will be.
Perhaps I should just stop wanting. Stop looking.
I won’t give up. Maybe I should just slow down but I don’t want to go on pretending that I’m ok. Because I’m not.
I am not ok. But I’ll make it. I have to. I will