Companionship

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I miss it. Just being needed and wanted by someone besides my daughter. I miss the kissing, the sex,the holding, the conversations. I miss being someone’s other. I miss the ups and downs. I’m not saying I want a relationship, I just want a someone. A someone to be there, to be a companion. I don’t know if any of you remember that date I went on last year? Well, I think deep down in the darkest and most unknown part of my body, I still like him. I think of him. Dream of him. Miss him. Not a longing kinda miss,just a ‘i miss talking to you and being random together’. I haven’t told him and I don’t plan on telling him because it’s not important. And I know I’m not ready, not ready to share myself with someone else yet,in that way atleast. I know that sentence completely contradicts what this blog is about but I do miss it though – companionship. On our date, he held me – it was awesome. To be held. Do you have any idea what that feels like? To just be held. No expectations. After going years without any adult physical contact. We kissed of course. The hug was the best. I could’ve stayed there forever, and I hate cuddling so you know for sure missed it. I could crawl back into those arms. I could crawl back into those eyes. I could crawl back into that kiss. I could crawl because after all this time,it’s going to take alot for me to start walking.

          I miss companionship. I miss being a someone.

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