The child has anxiety

Today was grandparents day at school and I noticed one thing in the pictures and videos that were shared.

I noticed one thing as went to swimming lesson this evening.

My child. Unfortunately. Has been cursed with my anxiety and lack of confidence. I am almost 30 years old and only now am I almost 100% confident. I do not want that for her. To have to wait 20 odd years to feel or be confident. She’ll be 6 years old next week, she should already be confident. Flying across the monkey bars and diving head first into the deep end. She should not feel anything than less than confident and capable.

My social anxiety and awkwardness stems from me always being a homebody, always finding comfort in a warm bed and good read.

She, on the other hand is a social butterfly, in the right situation, with a crowd of people she knows.

She should not have to suffer at the hands of my life long disease.

Is it because I push her to say hello to people when entering a room?

Is it because I treat her like a semi tween?

Is it because I have started giving her responsibilities?

What is it that I am doing that is giving my child the anxiety that causes her to bite her skin from her fingertips? What can I do to help? How do I help?

How can I became a less anxiety me and a more there for her mother?

Do I helicopter too much?

Should I just have another child so that she can feel less pressurized?

What is it that is causing my child, my 6 year old child, to physically harm herself.

What is it that I have done wrong?

Losing a life

And just like that, we are dealt a blow, an impending death in the family

Yes,it happens to all of us but yet, we never expect it to happen to us

Last night, we were told to visit my grandfather (on my mother’s side) and say our goodbyes as it was only a matter time

We knew it was coming, well atleast I did and in true Athena fashion I tried to play it off, make a light hearted joke of it when in reality it is crushing.

Seeing someone you’ve known your whole life, who you’ve grown up loving and respecting, just lay there. Unable to breathe. Unable to talk. Barely able to keep his eyes open.

What I will treasure, amongst the solemn faces and teary eyes, are the times I spent with him. Taking him and my grandmother for breakfast, taking him to collect his pension money, watching as how, through his pains, he still managed to be a great grandfather to Zineah. I will cherish that. Him. Memories.

I will never forget the kindness he showed and how he was able to take any of my sarcastic comments and turn them right around on me. Whatever he was going through, he remained faithful to Christ and he remained thankful.

Ha! He always hated when I made him sit infront by me, when I constantly asked, “you need help?”, as he walked. He wasn’t a prideful man but he didn’t want to be treated like a sickly one, even though, often times he was.

Zineah was with for the goodbye, she wanted to pray for him but there were too many eyes. We will go back every night before he passes. It pains me to see him like that though. Let someone on their death bed never be your lasting memory of them.

Zineah cried in the car. I think it was too much for her. A few hours before the goodbye, I got to speak to my grandfather on the phone and that was the worst sound I could’ve ever imagined. As my parents left the house to go visit my grandfather, I sat Zineah down and tried my best to have the death talk with my almost 6 year old. Less than 15 minutes after the goodbye, she cried. Quietly. As if ashamed. I told her, that we are all sad. We all cry and it is ok. I will take her with me every night until his passing and I will continue to ask her to pray for him (her idea initially) so that that may provide her with some comfort.

We love you Pa ❤️

You have made an impact in this life and you will forever live on in our hearts 💔

I am happy being single

I am happy being single
I feel like I don’t need to justify that but here I am, typing, trying to convince you that at almost 30 ; I am happy

Do I wish I had a bit of help with my daughter? Hell yeah
To I treasture that for the next year or so, before she wants nothing to do with me, I get to have her all to myself? Of freaking course

I have always been an introvert. I once had a friend drag me out of bed at 3am to go to a party; a week before I was meant to leave for London

I don’t like going out and doing things,I would much rather sit in bed and read a book
Sit in a park
Sit in a cafe
Watch a movie

I like being single
It suits me
Who I am
My personality

I only go out and do things because an almost 6 year old should not be subjected to my introverted-ness

I have a friend who is pushing (hahaha sarcasm, not really) for me to get married by 30, because that’s the dream right?

Get married, pop out a few more babies before 35 and grow old gracefully

I have been single since Novmber 2013, that’s almost a full 6 years

That is a really long time, like longer than anyone ever thought but here I am , single and happy

I get to go where I want, do what I want and I don’t have to report to anyone

I am working on me for me

Marriage does appeal to me
Wedding expo’s do give me a feeling of “when me?” but still this “freedom” of being single is more than enough for me

I love babies
I love weddings
and I will always be your number one supporter but I am not ready to get married, I am not ready for more babies and I am not ready for love lesser than my God

I have my parents, my daughter and my family

There is not much else I need in this life

Well them and a good book!

I will not sit down and I will not be humble

Queue Kendrick Lamar’s song………..not for me because I am sick and tired of being taken for a poephol

It dawned on me yesterday, as it had so many times before, that I am a really really nice person

I go out of my way for other people. To make them feel comfortable, welcome and wanted

What do I get? Oh, I was busy / things were hectic

Now, that’s not a problem. I understand #life but if you claim to be my friend should you not atleast check in with me like I do with you?

Even a quick, “hey, hope you’re ok”, once every 6 months will suffice

Something to show that I am on your radar

I have this belief that if I died suddenly, no one would miss me because alive I play such an insignificant role in your life, so why should my death be any different

Even at work, no one even notices when I am on leave and I am the resident work DJ

Is my existence so insignificant that it doesn’t warrant a quick 5 second check in

I often wonder if being nice is all its cracked up to be

Often feels like it’s a bunch of kak

Isn’t there something about good karma, what goes around cones around?

I would like to trade in my forthcoming good karma for money, lots of it

JarBar Review and Discount Code

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Have you been living under a rock?

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I was lucky enough to get a jar delivered to my offices which I was super keen to munch onto and at first I thought, “how would this jar be enough for a vraat like me *I’ve been known to finish a gatsby on my own*, but then I decanted the Argentinian salad and damn, I barely made it through it all!

If you’re looking for outstanding service, quality food and want to brag about getting food delivered in a fuckin jar then get to using my discount code for your first order!

With the purchase of of your first jar, you’d need to “buy” a jar deposit which costs R25 + your meal order, where my discount code comes in .

The discount code #SUPERBUSYMOM can be used on your first purchase and is valid until 31 March 2018.