I am sick, just a bit of flu. I put it down to a lack of sleep, starting my period and then work stress. So when I cry, it seems like sinuses. Which is what I need now, no one to know that I am crying or want to cry or have been crying. I screamed in the car yesterday, my daughter found it hilarious – she joined in. I screamed from frustration, anger and because I needed to. I am shaking, uncontrollably, controllably. I am drowning. Noticing that it’s the small things that make me want to lose my fuckin mind because why the fuck not! I am struggling to breathe, not from the flu but because if I don’t I am scared that I will lose it in a fit of rage. I want to hit something. I keep on snapping. I want to shout. At you. I want to throw something. Break something. Because maybe then I will feel better. But I know I won’t. That is not going to help. I have been putting off going to my GP for the longest time. I do think. Mentality. I need help. Emotionally. I need comfort. Physically. I need to be fucked. Would that not be the easier way to just let every – fuckin – thing go. Just like that. One quick pomp and I will be better. Hopefully it’s that easy. I am sick. I am not ok. I am taking a small almost non existent break from social media. I don’t think you are the problem though. But I am about to break.
In 2015. It’s suppose to be cool, right?
Good Morrow Fellow Humanoids and welcome to weight up Wednesday! I just made that up. It is not weight up Wednesday because, seriously, who wants to be reminded of how much weight they still need to lose mid week & nogals on the infamous Steers Wacky Wednesday. Now, I’ve noticed that I have started to steer more to the “finished English” and steered away from the most likely reason people have followed & liked my blog. So, for today, I will try to steer away from my attempt at whatever the hell “Finished English” is and be a bit more, what society would deem, normal.
Awe ma se kind! LOL, OKAY! Not that unfinished!!!!
But seriously mense, waar is die liefde?
I sat in bed last night, under 3 blankets, with 2 jackets on and I was STILL getting cold. Now imagine, the fellas on the streets? I know. I know. Money is tight, blah blah blah but what if you were to save up all your pennies and dinges and give that to me as a donation or on your next shopping trip just pop a sakky pads in your trolley. No harm. No foul.
I am not asking for a lung or a kidney (I know if I was, I’d be dead right now). I am asking for a little. A fingernail. A small bietjie. Let’s teach the laatjies that there people who don’t have a toasty fireplace, who only have 1 blanket. Let’s pull them from their screens & let them help make that care package & butter that bread. Our society is too mal too think we can shield them from the downward spiral it is heading in.
*for all my overseas mense, I apologise for the terminology but just quickly go onto Google & type in “Afrikaans to English Translator” and all the words you don’t know (the non english terms), just pop it in & learn away!
For aesthetics, here’s a picture of me,and then a collage of my snapchat adventures with my daughter last night
I hope you’ve made it this far down the post & now I shall be expecting my phone to BLOW up – 079 861 9603
I think I don’t allow myself to be happy because any happiness I may experience, might take what happiness she deserves away
It’s crazy how much I miss her even though I saw her a few hours ago
It’s crazy how I want a picture of her just to see if anything has changed
It must be madness that I can’t wait to leave in the morning but then when I get to work, I yearn to be with her