Happy Birthday To Me

I have the most amazing people in my life! I have reached a happier and deeper understanding of my life and it is lifechanging.  I do not allow many people into the world of me because the world of me is not for everyone, sometimes it’s not even for me. 

BUT

The few that are apart of my life, make everything worthwhile.  From the down moments to the up moments.  To the everything inbetween. Like being dunked into a pool unawares, the appreciativeness has just enveloped me and I am inlove. 

With love

With you

With the guys and girls in my life 

Appreciative

Overwhelmed

I really do have the best people in my life.  They make the 9 – 5 just a little easier

a ‘huh’ post

Not all the people in your life are good for you 

Depending on how well you know yourself and well you can read people,  most of them will end up being bad for you 

That’s my life 

It has been filled with a whole lot of bad people 

Good for awhile

Had me blinded but longterm they ended up being bad for me 

**************

I am an open book, have never had a problem telling people my whole life story; because if you don’t listen,  who will? 

That’s the problem 

People don’t open up anymore.  We hide behind our screens and fake smiles.  People don’t get to know you.  Your personality.  Your thoughts,  because all we are a social media junkies. 

Every meal and experience posted online for the likes and hearts.  For the approval of Johnny from Bishop Lavis.  Rather than living in the moment and soaking up life, we end up with our heads down, face illuminated or head up and after the 100th pout post a “having so much fun #livingthebestlife”  selfie

*******

Instead of living our best life we prip and prep for these lives we live online

Keeping up appearances 

How’s your bank account doing boo? 

___________________________

If you have made it to the end of this post, thank you

This was meant to be something else, I got distracted and there was no way to turn it around to the positive post it was meant to be 

I guess the post this was meant to be,  the positive post, will happen tomorrow 

Cherubs Eco Friendly Bubble Bath 

Recently we recieved an Ella Elephant Cherubs Bubble Bath (*retailing at R50) press drop from FreeBees PR & Marketing.


Cherubs, one of South Africa’s most established and trusted baby brands has launched into the Kiddies Bath category with fruity and fun Cherubs Kiddies Bubble Bath!

Cherubs understands care by introducing Cherubs Bubbles a dermatologically endorsed, 2 in 1 wash & foam.

These bubbles come in a value-offering 2 litre bottle with sturdy handles for mom. Kiddies will have tons of Bathtime fun while getting clean in the mild and gentle bubble bath.

Eco-friendly, and lovingly made in South Africa, Cherubs is proud to bring another innovative product to parents, making lives easier, every day.

Bad Mother Guilt

I am a bad mother, and no, this is not a pity party
This is reality
I am a bad mother
I often have bouts of depression and when I’m low, I am deep 6 feet under low
Like nothing and no one can pull me out of it but time
It is in this depressive state where I become quiet and ponder
Mostly about how bad of a mother I am
And not the kind that forgot to give her child the medicine or the one who forgot to wish her kid “Happy Birthday”
I am the kind of bad mother that in a fit of rage, hit her almost 2 year old by lifting her off the ground, the longest 10 seconds of her life before I realised what I was doing
Feeling too bad to cry
The kind of mother who does not spend anytime, at all with her child
Barely any on the car ride home because she’d much prefer to watch her “tabby”
I am honest about my bad-mothering and I often said that although I have not improved dramatically, it does make it easier to have a child that communicate with words and emotions,rather than me trying to decipher what the fuck is going on
I am a bad mother
I feel bad for my child
Always thinking she would be better off if I was dead or in prison
Like she would just live a better life, if for some reason I just did not exist
I would miss her though
I love her with my all and I would die for her
I often run through scenarios in my head; where I try and prep her for anything that might happen
You know?
I don’t know if this is seasonal depression or what but I hate it
It happens so quickly
So unexpectantly
And it stays for a long time
Or maybe it just feels like a long time
“It’s not nice” is a term I use to describe it but it’s honestly the fuckin worst
I am, generally, an introvert and this shit happens and I retreat even more

It reiterates my deepest insecurities and faults

I am a bad mother

This is my reality

I do not feel worthy enough

I suffer from the real Bad Mother Guilt