To say I haven’t posted for a day and a half would be an understatement. Please sense my solemn tone as I type. This is not a funny post. I will not be funny. Not only have I been having weird dreams but my head / brain is like an awake replay of all the shit I’ve attempted to love and lost. The bad ones. The good ones. The ones I still want. As much closure as you need, I need some too. My night dreams have been odd and a bit non committal. My day dreams have me worried. Why are you crossing my mind in the day? Are you not scared that someone will see you? That your name might come blurted from my lips? Why, in my night dreams, you come in pairs and with lust? In my day dreams, you’re just here. Not serving a purpose but to distract me and to get me thinking. I am doing everything to start anew but you just won’t leave me alone. You won’t let me be. I’ve even considered seeing someone. This must be the beginning part of losing one’s mind, right? I haven’t spoken to any of my friends because then that would mean seeing them again and as an self diagnosed introvert, I’d much rather deal, all on my own. I don’t want you here though. Please know that. I am making a change and a part of that change needs to be a clear, clean mind. I need you to go. Away. Out of my mind space. Out of my head space. I just want to be ok & with you here, I’ll never be.
Overtired & Overmothered.
You’ve heard of that right? Please tell me you’ve experienced it. You’ve heard of being overtired. So tired that you cannot fall asleep. So overworked that you cannot work anymore. Your brain is done!
Let me introduce to you my version of “Overmothered”
It’s the sucky part of motherhood where you crumple down in a big fat unkempt pile of tears. Like you’ve done so much mothering that you cannot begin to think of what other sort of mothering you could do today. It’s the frustration of motherhood that builds up and spews out through your tearducts. It’s the single most important part of motherhood. Where you get to admit all your faults and realise that this might be it. This might be the moment when you throw in the towel and say “Fuck This” “Fuck All Of This”
It’s the epitome of Motherhood, I guess. The moment we all just decide to give up, even if only for 10 minutes. A moment to sit back and just woosah. Remind yourself why you love the little nuggets so much.
Overmothering. Please tell me it’s a thing.