It is a sad day. I came back from church & checked my phone. Went onto Facebook and I see that a dear friend of mine has passed on. We were in high school together & ran in the same circles. Took drama classes together. He was a funny guy. A joker. A great individual. A personality that could light up any room. A person anyone would be privileged enough to meet. A Godly man. My heart is sore and it is a pain I cannot express. My eyes are welled up with tears and I feel this loss. He fought a battle and I thought he was well but perhaps it was just hope. Hope from above,for his family and friends that all would be well in the end. I salute you my dear friend and I send out my most heartfelt condolences to your family and friends. This is hard for me. I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must be for them. Fly High Mr Allen.
There are things you want them to know. Your kids. Things that they won’t listen to but as parents we’re inclined to tell them anyway.
Never stop working. Never. Always be better than the you you were yesterday.
Don’t sleep with just anyone. Your soul will shrink in time and you’ll become dirty. Not physically dirty but mentality and spiritually.
Don’t drink too much. Moderation is key. Even when you need to go a bit crazy just remember to still keep your wits about you.
Enjoy the small things in life. The everyday things people take for granted. Notice the beauty in the small.
Don’t allow anyone or anything to keep you down and out for too long. Feel. Cry. Let go. Move on.
Don’t expect. What you expect from people and what they expect from themselves are completely different. In most cases, you see their potential & they don’t
Always. It isn’t done if it’s not done the right way. No matter how you feel. Always. Always. Always. Do a great fuckin job.
Let music find you. Allow it to run through your veins & take you on lyrical journeys.
Know that it’s ok to not want the negative energy and soul suckers in your life
If you have the opportunity to do that. Then do it. Be your own boss. Create employment. Be happy
Get enough sleep! Trust me.
Don’t believe everything you hear. The world is a petty place.
Love your body. It’s the only one you have.
Something. Not someone. Know that coming 2nd doesn’t always feel as good as coming 1st but sometimes you have to be 2nd to realise what 1st really means. Don’t be overly competitive
Don’t follow the crowd
Don’t be overwhelmed. Take. A. Break
Find someone you can have fun with and who enjoys being silly every now and again. Be silly together
Oh my dear. Love. Wait for it. It should be nothing less than extraordinary. Never soul crushing.
My darling daughter, know that you are unconditionally,wholeheartedly, passionately and immensely loved. You always were and always will be. You are special. You will make a difference. You have always made me proud.
Laugh. Love. Live. ❤
*I ask you dear reader,to impart you wisdom on Zineah. You can do that by sending an email to firstname.lastname@example.org*
When Zineah starts screaming into her calculator phone,that word I seem to loathe when associated with him.
“Daddy!!! Daddy!!! Daddy!!! Daddy!!! Daddy!!! Daddy!!!”
When I kneel down beside her and we start a dialogue on that word.
Athena: What did you just say?
Zineah: *whispers* Daddy
Athena: I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you
Zineah: *more proudly now* Daddy
Athena: Ok. Where is he?
Zineah: I don’t know. He isn’t here
Zineah: Talk to him Mommy
Zineah: Say hello
Athena: *with the calculator phone in hand* Hello Daddy
Zineah: *laughs* He’s not there
I stare blankly in Zineah’s direction
Zineah: *staring at me intently* I don’t have a Daddy. Only a Mommy
I then realise that this is not posed as a statement or question but more of a reassurance,to herself, that she does, in fact not have a Daddy and only a Mommy
Now, I know that she knows the “D” word because alot of kids at creche use it and most of them have Daddy’s. I don’t mind her using it but I find it hard to explain and heartbreaking to fathom when she looks at me and very innocently asks, “Mommy, where’s my daddy?” What the holy hell am I suppose to say. I dodge. Yes she might understand but I don’t know how to word to a 3 year old that the man who so adamantly wanted her less than 5 years ago,now has chosen to no longer be present. No longer caring. I am a bitch but I am not the kind of bitch to keep a father away from his child.
She acts out. Not all the time. But when she does it’s bad. Throwing things. Biting. I try not to hit but sometimes she just needs a quick hit. On the leg. Just one lekker big klap. I do it. Just once. I try talking to her. Letting her know that her behaviour is inappropriate and she needs to listen etc. It works. Mostly. Sometimes not so much. Most ot the time I put it down to her knowing. Just knowing. Just knowing that something is missing. Someone is missing.
I don’t want her to feel less than so I tend to overcompensate. Money. Time. Sweets Things. I try to be her everything. All the time. I know that’s bad. I know I shouldn’t. But I don’t want her to feel like this is her fault and in time, I’ll explain that to her. That this,all of this, is none of her fault.
I haven’t blogged in a long time and it is for many reasons. I don’t have anything to blog about. Motherhood? Yes. Everything else? No. I am jealous. Of a few other blogs. They are longer, more funny and seem to attract a bigger audience. Is that because their witty banter? The obvious misspelt words? Someone please tell me what it is because I feel as if I am lacking. My constant need to want to get it right. The spelling. The sentence structure. Is this the platform for me? For my non issues? I don’t have the time nor do I want to blog in bed or at home. I much prefer to spend time with my child or hold her hand while we both drift into lala – land. Am I as crass and uncouth as these other bloggers? No. Am I just as honest? Probably. I am not vulgar. I am not unkempt. I just choose to express myself in a more polite and perhaps proper manner. Does this make me less appealing? Yes. Do I care? Very much so. Do I change? No.
So,what do I do? When my posts are not nearly as long or as fascinating? What do I do when I have a limited audience? What?
I would like to start this post off by saying that I speak from experience,and if somewhere in this post I happen to offend you, then please subscribe so that I can offend you some more. It is one of the many joys in my life. I’m an offensive person & I like it. Don’t? Bye bye then. Don’t let the door hit your flat unsquatted ass on the way out.
HASHTAG truth……seriously? Can anyone tell me when they’ve met a strong woman that took kak? Like on the daily.
Humbleness aside,as a strong independent woman, I need to know what is going on. You asked me out on a date and you can’t be bothered to tell me where or what the appropriate attire will be? Dude. We have a problem. It is necessarily about always wanting to be in control, it’s just that I have to have a plan. It’s about knowing that you’ve made concrete plans. That you are excited,about me, about us. I don’t know need to know every single fuckin minute detail. I just need to know the basics. To be on my best. To be my best. I am ok without you and I’ll be ok when you bail. I was always ok. I will always be ok.
Boys shy away from a woman who knows what she wants. Men don’t. I am yet to meet a man. I am a single mother. If I can have my shit sorted,why can’t you? What, in your life is so difficult,that it is taking you so long to get back to the start? It is not about control. It is not about being kak bis. It is not about insecurities. It is about respect. Respect me as the woman I am and maybe I’ll respect you enough to fully hand you the reigns,just for one night.