My view

It’s so early…..on a Saturday. I need to be up because I don’t get much time to clean when the little one is awake,hell I don’t get much time to myself when the little one is awake.

I’m sitting on the edge of the bed and a thought won’t leave my mind. Mind you I’ve been tempted to write this post for ages and that does not necessarily mean it’s going to be any good so here goes;

Society and My View,
This is in reference to the different sexes. This is MY opinion. I always find it hard to believe that men can go around looking all scruffy and unkempt and it’s deemed ok, but when women do it we all automatically just jump to conclusions, like she must be poor or kyk hoe vuil is sy. Same goes for when someone is too well put together – there must be something wrong for her to walk around all pretty and together like that. I will also touch on the subject of fitness and body health. Men can have boeps and it’s ok. Women,not so much #ihaveaboep #iknowwhatispeakof . Men can be anorexic thin and no judgement is passed. Women,not so much. Same with people who are a little rounder than what they should be. Now,like I said in the beginning – this is MY opinion and MY views. If I offended you,please get over yourself.

Women are judged too quickly……probably men aswell but it is not in the public eye as much a women. I’ve never heard of a man (that I know of,directly or indirectly) wanting to ascertain the body of a H&M model and yet we have women starving themselves to look like a Victoria Secret model. Same goes for abuse? There might be a million cases of men/man abuse but it is never reported.

I will openly admit that my ass is fat and even though I try to work out and get all slim,it just isn’t as easy as it was 10 years ago and unfortunately I just don’t have the time or energy to gum for 3 hours a day. I know that if you want it bad enough then you’ll make time,but you know what? My sleeping and spending quality & quantity time with my little one is more important. I will try. I’ll never give up. I know that 10 minutes a day is better than nothing.

I would love to have some views from men and women on our fashion society and how it caters to your body size.

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The Internet

So,I get to work early. Like 6:30 early. I only start at 8:30.  Today has been eventful. No internet. At all. Like niks.
And I get so annoyed at the phones – always fuckin ringing #iknowitsmyjob
Also,I had fokol lis to work and then for the past hour or so I’ve just been laughing.
Like your life is that bad that you can only laugh because if you dare cry then you’ll never stop.
I was laughing in that way that you’d think there was something wrong with me #probablyis
And then,I have the WORST tummy pains #notperiodtime

And,before I get critt’d for being a ‘sub blogger’ #ishrafiel ; this blog is for me. To speak. To listen.

This is Athena’s blog. I don’t get to see my friends much and I guess this is my way to stay in touch with them…..

Sub Blogger My Ass!!!!!

Fun Fact Friday : The Plate

Dudes…..the plate is full and the mind is lost.
We all have a plate and sometime in our life the plate becomes too heavy and we have to decide what to let go of and what really really matters.

My Plate:
– work is crazy busy #hatethatplace
– zineah will be 3 this year and I want to throw her a party #broke
– im studying but i only have until june to finish and i am not even halfway, not even a quarter into my studies #2courses
– i am still a single mother #sarcasm #bignews
– im busy with a court case #documentation #troubles
– i an trying to get my business off the ground #excitedmuch

The plate is full bra! Like fuckin overflowing. I can’t even form coherent sentences anymore and coffee is of NO help….

My plate might not seem full but if you consider how lazy and chilled I am,then you’ll know that this is alot for me to handle

What’s on your plate?!

Love

26 years!!!! That’s how long it’s taken for me to fully come to terms with all of this goodness aka me aka my body aka my personality.

That’s a long damn time. Now,that’s not to say that I won’t always try to be better but I am happy. No doubts. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to say that. I am just genuinely happy. With me. With where I am in my life. With my life. With my decisions. With my daughter. With my role.

A friend once said to me, “I don’t care if you’re happy,I’m not happy that you aren’t getting any” – this was of course in reference to sex BUT do you see what I am trying to say? I tried to convince him,for 3o minutes,that I was happy,insanely happy even and he just flatout refused to believed me because I am lacking the intimacy component. And yes,I miss that companionship,that intimacy but I am happy without it – a concept that was hard for him to swallow.

I finally love myself,unconditionally. Like you should and I only hope that Zineah can find that love sooner and that she’ll embrace all of her even though society will be like a devil on her shoulder.

Love…..it’s amazing. Especially when you love yourself 💋❤

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Mad

I’m still mad
Angry
I feel like I was made to apologise (even though I did so on my own) and he is just living his life
No apology needed for saying that he is going to bury his sister
Yes,I do get it that he is the favourite child but are you being serious😮 
Is there no consequence for treating someone like a piece of shit that ants won’t even touch!
I really feel like I need to say something but will they even care? 
What are they going to do exactly?
Why do I have to voice something that should be so damn evident?!
As parents or guardians or whatever,you should demand an apology!

I don’t want your apology – I jusg want you to admit your stubborness and say ” I was wrong”

NOT SO DAMN HARD!

Life

All my life I’ve been told one simple thing : ALWAYS BE THE BIGGER PERSON.

This,of course,is in no reference to my actual height as an individual but to situations I might face.

“Always be the bigger person Athena”

Always turn the other cheek and don’t sink to their level

“Always show them you are better Athena”

Don’t let the negative remarks or comments get to you

Now, mind you I have no problem with ‘being the bigger person’ but it does get frustrating at some point of 26 years because I am NEVER allowed to freak out. Internally yes but I dare not freak out externally,or as they say ‘on the outside’

I was never allowed,even very recently,to show that a situation was affecting. Hell,I wasn’t even allowed to retaliate #favouriteword

I was always just expected to show up and play ball.
I was never able to fully deal with a situation because I was to remain calm at all times and I was never given the opportunity to just shout or even just give the person the death stare.

My friend told me,a very good friend, ” there is a fine line between being the bigger person and being walked over”

Arguments & Apologies

This post is about that…..Arguments & Apologies….just that
I had a good long chat with a friend of mine who believes that I am owed an apology
He believes that I should demand respect and not let anyone just walk all over me
I thought about it – about what he said…..and cried,by myself; as I psycho analyzed the entire situation and how,even though I consider myself the ‘black sheep’ of the family,how, despite all of that I am worthy
Why should I always have to apologise even when I’m not wrong?
Here I sit,waiting for an apology,knowing it won’t happen because you are just too damm proud to admit that you did something wrong
I doubt you apologised to your wife when you hit her in your drunken rage?
Will you apologise to the next girl?
Will you apologise for the inappropriate comments? The obscene gestures?
NO! Because you are too damn proud
Pride killed many a men, and it is slowly bringing you down
What makes you think you are better than me? To call me a p***, a n***. To tell me that you’ll basically own my ass out on the streets.
You forget,I was there. That time you needed something,I was there. When you needed someone to cover for you, I was there.
No questions asked. Just doing my duty.

Yet you fail at doing yours,protecting me.

The Weekend

And no,it’s not that dude that sings that song.
WOW,it was eventful jy…….drama drama drama.

This weekend consisted of a party and a fight (and yes there was drinking involved)

Our German exchange student is going home tomorrow so we had a lunch party thing for him yesterday. And then,my brother and I had a fight. I’m talking WWE style bra. Pushing and shouting and, of course my lame ass was crying.
Brother bear was all in my face and then I pushed him and started shouting ‘Hit me man!’
Brother bear then proceeded to tell me,infront of the parentals, *excuse the Afrikaans* “Jy gaan ses voet ses le” AND “My parents raised me right but when I’m out on the streets dan gaan jy grond toe gaan”

Shocked? Rightfully so.

I’ve obviously had time to think AND he doesn’t respect me. Not even a little. No matter how drunk he was (he was the only drunkie there) there is absolutely no respect there. He just doesn’t. Even sober he doesn’t and it’s kinda sad that my big bro doesn’t respect me. And yet,he expects other men to treat me right and with respect. How is another man suppose to respect me when my brother can’t seem to muster up the respect and love he is supposed to have,that is supposed to be instilled in him? Like all doting and what not.

Not many of you know this but there was suppose to be 3 of us. My mother had a miscarriage before she had me and I’ve always told her that she should’ve just stopped. She should never have had me. I really do consider myself the black sheep of the family.

Now,I told my Uncle (we’ve become quite close lately) and he was shocked. Even asked me,over and over,”Your brother said that to you?”

I guess he comes from a place of love and respect. Like I know that he would never dare speak to my mother or aunt like that. As old as he is,he would get a beating.

Also,I am who I am.

I am loud,obnoxious,bitchy,sarcastic and some other things that I’m sure my friends could mention.

But that’s just it – that’s just me, and not to toot my own horn  BUT if you are privileged,hell even honoured enough to know the real Athena,the real me then you will know that that is me.

I am all of this and more and I am finally fuckin comfortable. It’s taken me 26 years so get to this place of happiness and now I have to go back to being ‘the best behaved’.

Know this,I will pretend because I have no choice but you will be feeling left out because while I’m being me with everyone else I’ll have no choice but to be someone else,someone I hate with you.