Unwanted

So….I’m a 26 year old single mom who still lives with her parents. My daughter is 2 1/2 years old. We have our own space in the house and she knows (kinda, but not all the time) her boundaries. Now,this post is about me and my mom. This is not to paint her in a negative light or me in a positive one; this is just a post to express something that nags me.

My mom is busy – like crazy busy ALL THE TIME. She always has something to do or somewhere to be. The thing is I love her but I feel,for lack of a better term – neglected and even unwanted. Like I’m a nuisance,a disruption. I always wanna tell her stuff but I feel like I’m (as a person), my presence is not acknowledged. You know like if I wasn’t here it would be one less voice for her. I know that sounds bad but I don’t mean it like that. For example,I’ll say something to her and she’ll walk away – it makes me feel as if I don’t matter and my words mean nothing. It hurts,honestly. Like a whole lot but it’s not lile I can tell her coz I know shell think I’m overreacting. Maybe I am. She’s busy and I have a child so I shouldn’t really need my mother anymore right?!

I noticed she only engages when she initiates – I try to do her technique but I fail MISERABLY because I can’t pretend to not care. I can’t pretend to not be interested. I’ve spoken to my dad about this and he says that she is listening and she is taking note.

I just don’t know. I feel alone. She’s here but I miss her so much.

Love

Love…….it’s an issue that irks me especially where ‘youngsters’ are concerned.
I’m a regular Facebooker and it doesn’t take me long to scroll through my newsfeed and see dozens of young people inlove,and it’s instant love. The kind of love that happens overnight (I ain’t saying there is anything wrong with it) and basically just stays for that night. Like this week it’s one person, queue break up and then probably less than a month later, there’s someone else. And it’s all ‘I love you blah blah’. Now, I’m not jelly, I am just more prone to being realistic and being a single mother I don’t really have a choice. Dammit I wish I could also just love every Tom,Dick and Harry……sometimes a Sally 🙂 I am just wondering why?! Is it so easy to just fall inlove after a week or less? Are you just falling inlove with the honeymoon phase, the cuteness that hasn’t showcased the crazy? I’m not knocking it, I’ve tried it but how is it genuine or long lasting if it’s a different someone every other month. I get it though, it’s easier to be inlove than inlike. In today’s society, everything is rushed and it’s best to jump on the train before it leaves the station. Why do you love though? What is it about that person that makes you wanna say I LOVE YOU after 3 days?! No harm in love – its all good. It releases some kinda endorphins right?

Go ahead – get on that train. I’ll just stand on the platform for now.

Coloured

I hardly ever go full coloured. I keep it aside for special people. You know,the ones who aren’t prone to being completely judgemental. Also,it’s a side that might just give you a heart attack because not only does it not suit me but it’s an ugly look for me. Sometimes I have to go down,deep down,into my roots because the world becomes a place of 15wtf’s a minute. Some people even get me to that point of 15wtf’s a minute. Now,if I went full blast coloured on Facebook,he would know I was talking about him,so that’s exactly why I chose to do this via my blog #thebitchdontreaditanyway. Are you ready? If you know me,you’ll read this in my voice and laugh,because well, you know me.

Yor bra! How kak dom are u? U r mos jas!!! She cheated on u and she made u feel so kak and now this!? Naai man bra,u mos a groot poes to go back to her. Naai man,I thought you were better than this. Like what the poes ma bru. Naai man. U musn’t be so. I’m kak disappointed. Yor ma bru you are not wys! Yor bra I don’t know hey

DONE!!!! Lol some people just make me have to be THAT coloured

HASHTAG imouttahere

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